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Literature Text
The umbilical chord your first,
And most easily cut chain.
Tumbled down the rabbit hole,
my hands follow after,
dropped,they shatter,clumsy.
Can't pick them up,
and stick them back together,
no hands, no care,
fumbled shattered thumbs,
and feet that led me there,
down rabbit holes,
through the looking glass,
where I never dared to look.
It's a sad, quiet sort of place,
And the Alice band around my head,
Dirty and crooked,
Slips down and around my neck,
red dust clinging to my fingers
Congeals and grows dark,
The blue sky fading.
All I can think is blue.
And most easily cut chain.
Tumbled down the rabbit hole,
my hands follow after,
dropped,they shatter,clumsy.
Can't pick them up,
and stick them back together,
no hands, no care,
fumbled shattered thumbs,
and feet that led me there,
down rabbit holes,
through the looking glass,
where I never dared to look.
It's a sad, quiet sort of place,
And the Alice band around my head,
Dirty and crooked,
Slips down and around my neck,
red dust clinging to my fingers
Congeals and grows dark,
The blue sky fading.
All I can think is blue.
you can work it out
© 2010 - 2024 izzybizy
Comments7
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I like the wordplay of 'umbilical chord' in the first stanza. Whether intentional or not, I'll say it was good. (though, a bit nonsensical, as a musical reference feels out of place). But the first and second stanzas work well together, a feeling of birth, and then... erm... disillusionment.
Third stanza continues this theme, but albeit in a much better way. Once again, good wordplay, but I'd imagine the tumblers bit was intentional. It actually made me smile, too. Then, comparing the false jewels to diamonds, only to have them shatter? Good symbolism. I'd add a bit about 'glittering dust,' or somesuch, but that's just me.
And then, all this bit about alice, I didn't think it'd be so important (you rarely, if ever stick with a theme this well). I like how it weaves in and out. Definitely your best piece to date. Love it.
Third stanza continues this theme, but albeit in a much better way. Once again, good wordplay, but I'd imagine the tumblers bit was intentional. It actually made me smile, too. Then, comparing the false jewels to diamonds, only to have them shatter? Good symbolism. I'd add a bit about 'glittering dust,' or somesuch, but that's just me.
And then, all this bit about alice, I didn't think it'd be so important (you rarely, if ever stick with a theme this well). I like how it weaves in and out. Definitely your best piece to date. Love it.